The Surprising Secret to Getting Dates on Dating Apps

The secret to online dating success isn’t about having the best photos or using clever one-liners. It’s about understanding that dating apps are an extension of real life. To truly thrive in the online dating world, you need to cultivate the same social skills that work in face-to-face interactions. By getting off the app and into the real world, improving your profile to reflect your authentic self, and focusing on quality interactions, you’ll not only get more matches but also turn those matches into meaningful dates.

Online dating has become a major part of modern relationships. It’s no longer a taboo to say that you met your significant other on Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge; in fact, it’s become so common that people are almost expected to give their favorite dating app a try. However, despite the popularity of online dating, many people still struggle to get meaningful matches, turn those matches into dates, and ultimately, find a real connection.

For all the swiping and searching, most users are missing out on a key truth that changes everything about online dating. The secret? If you want better success on dating apps, you need to step away from the app and engage more in real-world socializing. It sounds counterintuitive, but in fact, it’s the blend of real-world interaction and online engagement that creates true online dating success. Here’s why — and how you can make it work for you.

1. Online Dating Is Still Real Life

One of the biggest misconceptions about dating apps is that they exist in a world separate from reality. This couldn’t be further from the truth. While dating apps can provide access to more people than you would typically meet in a bar or at a party, the way you interact with others on these platforms still reflects real life. You aren’t just browsing profiles or checking off boxes; you are communicating with real people who have emotions, thoughts, and personalities just like they would in face-to-face interactions.

The rules of the social world still apply here. If you wouldn’t approach someone at a party with a crude pick-up line or a generic greeting, don’t do it online either. Too often, people treat dating apps like Twitter or Reddit, where points or retweets matter more than genuine interaction. Instead, focus on developing and showcasing the same social skills that you would use in person. This approach makes you more authentic and relatable, allowing real connections to form.

2. Your Profile Is an Advertisement – Make It Count

Your dating profile isn’t just a collection of photos and a short bio; it’s an advertisement that needs to sell you. However, people often underestimate the power of a well-crafted profile and end up creating something bland or overly complicated.

To succeed, your profile needs to pique someone’s interest and make them want to learn more about you. It’s not just about looking good in your photos; it’s about telling a story, showing personality, and creating intrigue. The key here is to focus on what you’re looking for and why someone would want to meet you in person. If you can communicate that you’re more than just a face or a list of hobbies, you’ll stand out in a sea of profiles that all look and sound the same.

For example, instead of a standard bio that lists “I love traveling, Netflix, and dogs,” craft something more engaging: “I’m the kind of person who will plan a spontaneous weekend road trip just because. If you can recommend the best coffee shop in a new city, we’re already off to a good start.”

3. Swipe Culture and the Pitfalls of Gamification

Dating apps, particularly those like Tinder and Bumble, have made swiping feel like a game. You swipe right or left based on initial attraction, and while this increases engagement, it also encourages shallow interactions. It can lead to frustration when matches don’t turn into dates or conversations fall flat. The issue here isn’t necessarily the apps themselves; it’s the mindset users bring to them.

Treating online dating like a numbers game — “If I swipe on enough people, I’m bound to get a match” — results in low-quality connections. Instead, focus on quality over quantity. Take the time to read profiles, look for mutual interests, and craft personalized messages that go beyond “Hey, what’s up?” These small efforts signal that you’re genuinely interested, which increases the likelihood of a response.

4. The Importance of In-Person Social Skills

Here’s where the real-world connection comes in: success on dating apps depends heavily on your in-person social skills. Sure, it’s easy to feel more confident behind a screen where you can take time to craft the perfect message, but that confidence doesn’t always translate into real life. If you want your matches to turn into dates, you need to be able to carry that same level of charisma, wit, and charm into face-to-face interactions.

This doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert or a master conversationalist. It’s about practicing the fundamentals: active listening, making eye contact, and engaging in thoughtful conversations. These are the skills that will help you turn online matches into meaningful in-person connections.

The more time you spend socializing outside of the apps — whether it’s chatting with strangers, attending social events, or just hanging out with friends — the better you’ll become at naturally connecting with people. And guess what? Those skills will also make you more attractive on dating apps because your interactions will feel more genuine and confident.

5. Know Your Audience and Speak Their Language

Another common mistake people make is not tailoring their profile and messages to the kind of person they want to attract. Just like in marketing, you need to know your audience. If you’re looking for someone who shares your love for the outdoors, don’t hide that part of yourself in an attempt to appeal to everyone.

Be specific about your passions, and you’ll attract the right kind of attention. This is especially important when sending messages. Generic greetings like “Hey, how’s it going?” rarely spark meaningful conversations. Instead, mention something specific from the person’s profile. If they mention their favorite book or a recent trip, ask them about it. It shows that you’re paying attention and are genuinely interested in getting to know them.

6. Taking It Offline

Here’s where the advice about “getting off the app” comes into play. The goal of online dating isn’t to stay online forever — it’s to meet someone in real life. So, once you’ve made a connection with someone, don’t be afraid to suggest taking the conversation offline. Whether it’s meeting for coffee, going for a walk, or attending a local event together, transitioning from the app to a real-life encounter is the ultimate goal.

People often overthink this step, worrying about how long they should chat before suggesting a date. The truth is, there’s no magic number. If the conversation is flowing well and you’re both clearly interested, don’t hesitate to suggest meeting up. In fact, waiting too long can cause the momentum to fizzle out.

7. Avoid the Trap of Endless Texting

One of the most common pitfalls of online dating is getting stuck in a loop of endless texting. While it’s important to build rapport, too much texting before meeting in person can lead to unrealistic expectations or make the conversation feel stale by the time you do meet.

Instead of texting back and forth for weeks on end, aim to suggest a real-world meetup sooner rather than later. This keeps the energy high and gives both of you a chance to see if there’s a real connection outside of the screen.

8. Crafting a Winning First Message

The first message is crucial, and yet so many people default to basic, uninspired greetings. To increase your chances of getting a response, make your message stand out. Reference something from the person’s profile, ask an interesting question, or share something that shows you’re genuinely curious about them. Here’s an example:

Instead of: “Hey, what’s up?”
Try: “I noticed you’ve been to Japan! I’ve always wanted to visit. What was your favorite part of the trip?”

A message like this opens the door for a more engaging conversation and shows that you’re paying attention to who they are, not just how they look.

9. Understanding Rejection and Resilience

Rejection is a natural part of dating, whether it’s online or offline. Not every match will turn into a date, and not every date will lead to a relationship. But the key to success in online dating is resilience. Don’t take rejections personally — they’re a part of the process. Instead, view them as opportunities to refine your approach and continue improving your online presence and social skills.

10. Building Confidence Through Practice

Like anything in life, getting better at online dating takes practice. The more you engage with others, both online and in person, the more confident and comfortable you’ll become. Over time, you’ll learn what works for you, what kind of people you’re attracted to, and how to present your best self on dating apps.