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Online dating has become a mainstream way for people to meet their significant others, but navigating the virtual dating world can be overwhelming and frustrating. While dating apps have opened up a world of possibilities, they’ve also brought new challenges. It’s easy to get lost in the sea of profiles, photos, and messages. However, with the right strategies, online dating can lead to meaningful and lasting relationships.
We reached out to Logan Ury, behavioral scientist turned dating coach and Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science, for expert tips, as well as real-life advice from women who’ve successfully found their partners online. Here’s how you can put your best foot forward and increase your chances of finding love through dating apps.
1. Be Authentic with Your Photos
When it comes to online dating, photos speak volumes. Your profile pictures are often the first impression you give, so make them count. Logan Ury emphasizes the importance of avoiding overly filtered photos, group shots, or pictures where you’re wearing sunglasses. Potential matches want to see the real you.
For your first photo, opt for a clear, high-quality headshot. Include a range of images that showcase your personality, like a full-body shot or a photo of you doing something you enjoy, such as hiking or playing with your dog. This helps people get a better sense of who you are beyond just your looks.
Tip: Stay away from using too many filters—authenticity wins in the long run.
2. Create a Conversation-Starter Profile
Your profile is your opportunity to tell your story. Instead of generic descriptions, use your bio and answers to prompts to give potential matches something to talk about. Mention hobbies, experiences, or quirky details that reflect who you are. This way, someone can easily start a conversation based on something specific about you.
For example, if you love kayaking, include that detail in your bio. It provides a natural conversation starter for someone who might share that interest. Remember, people are more likely to message you if there’s something engaging or unique to comment on.
3. Skip the Small Talk
It’s tempting to start conversations with “Hey” or “How’s it going?”—but small talk won’t help you form a connection. Dive a little deeper by asking meaningful questions that show genuine interest in the other person.
Instead of sticking to the typical “What do you do for work?” try asking more thoughtful questions like, “What’s something that makes you lose track of time?” or “What’s your favorite way to spend a Sunday?” This will help you move past surface-level conversations and get to know the person better.
4. Avoid Beige Flags
You’ve heard of red flags, but what about beige flags? Beige flags are responses that are so generic they blend into the background. According to Ury, beige flags don’t necessarily indicate something negative—they just make you forgettable.
If a dating app prompt asks “I’m overly competitive about…” don’t respond with “everything.” Give a specific, personal answer that showcases your personality. The goal is to stand out in a sea of profiles, so think about what makes you unique and lead with that.
5. Be Aware of Red Flags
While it’s important to be open and give people a chance, there are certain behaviors that should raise concern. Red flags, such as inconsistent communication, someone being vague about their intentions, or treating you like an option instead of a priority, shouldn’t be ignored.
According to Ury, focus on looking for “green flags” instead—traits like honesty, good communication, and someone who makes you feel comfortable and valued.
Tip: Trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t be afraid to move on.
6. Ask the Right Questions
One of the keys to building a strong connection with someone is through thoughtful questions. Rather than sticking to playful banter, dig deeper and ask questions that will reveal more about the person’s values, passions, and personality.
Great examples include, “What’s something you’ve learned recently that changed your perspective?” or “What’s the most memorable trip you’ve ever taken?” These types of questions can lead to more meaningful discussions and help you see if you’re truly compatible.
7. Know When (and How) to Unmatch
Not every match will be a winner, and that’s okay. If you realize you’re not interested in someone, it’s important to handle the situation with kindness and honesty. Ghosting might seem easier, but it can leave the other person confused and hurt.
Ury suggests having a go-to message ready for these moments. Something like, “Hey [name], I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a romantic match” is a straightforward and respectful way to end things. Being honest and direct allows both of you to move on without hard feelings.
8. Give It Time
Rom-coms often portray love as instant and electric, but in reality, chemistry can take time to develop. While an immediate spark can be exciting, don’t write someone off too quickly if you don’t feel it right away.
Ury points out that many Hinge users report knowing whether someone is a good match by the second or third date, not the first. Some of the best relationships grow slowly, so be patient and give the connection time to develop.
9. Stay Present During Dates
When you finally meet in person, being present is crucial. It’s easy to get caught up in nerves or to overanalyze every moment of the date, but doing so can take away from the experience. Instead, focus on enjoying the moment and getting to know the person in front of you.
Rather than worrying about whether the person could be “the one,” aim to have fun and see if there’s potential for a second date. Ury reminds us that the first date is simply about creating a connection—not making life decisions.
10. Don’t Treat Dates Like Job Interviews
While it’s important to ask thoughtful questions, dates should still feel light and fun. Treating a date like a job interview, where you’re grilling each other with questions, can add unnecessary pressure and kill the vibe. Instead, focus on building a connection through natural conversation.
Flirt, laugh, and enjoy the experience of getting to know someone. The more relaxed and present you are, the more likely you are to have a good time and create a genuine connection.
Advice from Real Women Who Found Their Match Online
1. Look for Someone Who Makes an Effort
Amy D. from New York emphasizes the importance of finding someone who’s willing to go the extra mile. On her first date with her now-husband, he chose a restaurant close to her apartment, even though it was far from his place. This small gesture showed he was invested in getting to know her, and their relationship blossomed from there.
2. Don’t Waste Time on Poor Communicators
Carra T. from Los Angeles learned from experience that if someone isn’t responsive in a timely manner, it’s best to move on. If they’re not making an effort to communicate, they’re likely not serious about getting to know you.
3. Break Free from “Your Type”
Megan K. from Kentucky discovered that stepping outside of her usual “type” led her to her now-husband. While she was initially drawn to muscular, ultra-masculine guys, it was her future husband’s genuine smile and kind demeanor that caught her attention—and it turned out to be a perfect match.
4. Make Sure Your Core Values Align
Alexandra V. from Sacramento found love by being upfront about her values. On Bumble, she and her now-husband quickly bonded over their shared faith, which helped them form a deep connection. Being honest about your deal-breakers early on can help you find someone who truly aligns with your core beliefs.
Conclusion: Online Dating Success Requires Patience and Openness
Finding love through online dating takes patience, effort, and the willingness to be vulnerable. By creating an authentic profile, engaging in meaningful conversations, and staying present during dates, you’ll set yourself up for success. Keep an open mind, trust your instincts, and remember that while not every match will work out, the right one just might be a few swipes away.
