Man cuddles his partner
The beginning of a new relationship is an exciting and joyful time. It’s filled with anticipation, attraction, and the thrill of getting to know someone who feels the same way about you. But even in the glow of new love, it’s important to navigate those first few months thoughtfully. While it’s natural to feel a strong connection, being mindful of certain dos and don’ts can help build a healthier foundation for a lasting relationship.
Here are ten essential dos and don’ts to keep in mind when starting a new relationship, with insights from psychologist and relationship expert Kelly Campbell, Ph.D.
Do: Add Variety to Your Dates
Mixing things up early on is key to keeping the excitement alive. Instead of settling into predictable routines like Netflix-and-chill, try different types of dates—morning walks, lunch outings, or spending time with each other’s friends. As Campbell suggests, “It can be illuminating to see your partner navigate different situations and relationships.” Variety keeps things fresh and avoids early monotony, which can be a pitfall in new relationships.
Tip: You don’t need to spend a lot of money to have fun; simple, creative dates can bring you closer while keeping things interesting.
Don’t: Always Be the First to Initiate Dates
While it’s tempting to be the one who always makes the plans, it’s important to let your partner take the initiative, too. Campbell advises, “If they initiated plans the first time, you can initiate the second time and so on, but don’t always be the person texting first, calling, and initiating plans.” If you take on all the effort, they might become complacent and stop investing in the relationship.
Tip: Share the responsibility of planning dates to foster balance and mutual interest.
Do: Maintain Independence
In the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to spend every waking moment together. However, maintaining your independence is crucial. “In the most long-lasting relationships, partners maintain their sense of independence,” says Campbell. Continue seeing your friends and family, pursue your hobbies, and set aside time for yourself. This balance ensures that you don’t lose your sense of self or put too much pressure on the relationship.
Tip: Stay connected to your life outside the relationship. Your partner should complement your life, not become your entire world.
Don’t: Skip the Sexual Health Conversation
Talking about sexual health can feel awkward, but it’s essential before becoming intimate. “If you aren’t comfortable asking them about STDs and STIs or telling them about your own sexual health, it’s not yet the time to have sex,” Campbell advises. This conversation builds trust and helps ensure that you’re both ready for intimacy in a safe and responsible way.
Tip: Open, honest communication about health and boundaries creates a foundation for mutual respect and trust.
Do: Watch Out for Red Flags
It’s easy to overlook potential red flags when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new romance, but ignoring them won’t make them go away. If your partner is dishonest, cancels plans repeatedly, criticizes you, or treats others poorly, these are signs they may not be right for a long-term relationship. As Campbell points out, “Ignoring red flags only prolongs the inevitable demise of the relationship.”
Tip: Trust your instincts. Don’t ignore behavior that makes you uncomfortable, and don’t rationalize or excuse problematic actions.
Don’t: Be Close-Minded
Being open-minded is a vital part of any relationship. Campbell encourages trying new activities, exploring different experiences, and keeping things light at the beginning. This is the time to have fun and learn more about each other. Avoid diving too quickly into heavy or controversial topics that could create tension early on.
Tip: Embrace new adventures together and enjoy the playful side of getting to know someone new.
Do: Respect Yourself
Self-respect sets the tone for how your partner will treat you. “There’s nothing wrong with being principled, knowing yourself, and being yourself,” says Campbell. Prioritize your needs, set healthy boundaries, and don’t be afraid to say no. If your partner asks you on a date when you need a night of self-care, suggest a different day. By respecting your own needs, you encourage your partner to do the same.
Tip: Establish boundaries early and stay true to your values. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding.
Don’t: Denigrate Yourself
Talking about your past, especially things you may not be proud of, can feel vulnerable, but don’t put yourself down in the process. If you’ve had experiences you’d rather forget—whether a past breakup, job loss, or other challenges—discuss them in a positive or neutral light. According to Campbell, “Keeping these things secret because you want them to see you a certain way is never a good idea.”
Tip: Be open about your past but frame it as a learning experience. Vulnerability is a key part of building a genuine connection.
Do: Communicate Often and Well
Clear and open communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, especially in the beginning. As Campbell advises, “Say what you mean and mean what you say, be direct and considerate, choose battles wisely, treat your partner well, and avoid destructive things like yelling, insulting, and judging.” Miscommunication can easily happen when you don’t know each other well yet, so it’s essential to express your thoughts and feelings honestly.
Tip: Practice active listening and ensure that you and your partner both feel heard and understood. Good communication fosters trust and closeness.
Don’t: Have Sex Too Soon If You’re Not Ready
There’s no set timeline for when a couple should become intimate—what matters most is that both people are 100% ready. “The right time is when both people are 100% ready,” Campbell states. Don’t rush into intimacy out of fear that your partner will lose interest if you wait. The worst thing you can do is move faster than you’re comfortable with.
Tip: Trust your instincts, and don’t feel pressured to meet any specific timelines. Sexual readiness is personal and should be mutually agreed upon.
Conclusion
Starting a new relationship is a thrilling time, but it’s also important to navigate it thoughtfully. By following these dos and don’ts—ranging from maintaining your independence to communicating clearly—you can build a foundation for a strong, healthy relationship. Keep things light and fun at the beginning while staying aware of red flags and practicing open communication. Respect yourself, take your time, and enjoy the excitement of getting to know someone new.
