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First dates often come with a blend of excitement and nervous energy, and it’s natural to feel a bit uneasy. Questions like “Will they find me attractive?” or “Will the conversation flow smoothly?” might race through your mind. If you’re hoping for more than just a fun evening, understanding the psychology behind attraction can give you an edge. While love may seem elusive, there are scientifically backed ways to make yourself more appealing and improve your dating success.
Social psychology expert Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., has shed light on the complexities of attraction, noting that it’s not a one-size-fits-all phenomenon. Researchers have spent years studying what makes people click, and they’ve uncovered key insights into how attraction works. Below, we explore what attraction really is and provide seven proven strategies that could boost your dating prospects by leveraging the psychology of attraction.
What Is Attraction?
Attraction can be defined as the feeling of being drawn to someone, whether it’s due to physical appeal, emotional connection, or personality. According to Fugère, attraction is driven by forces that pull people together, ranging from physical proximity to emotional similarities. There are five major types of attraction:
- Sexual: A desire for physical intimacy.
- Physical: Attraction to someone’s outward appearance.
- Emotional: Being drawn to someone due to an emotional bond.
- Romantic: A deep desire for a long-term relationship.
- Aesthetic: Appreciation of someone’s beauty without romantic or sexual desire.
Understanding these different types of attraction is crucial, as it explains why you might feel a strong connection to someone in one area but not another. Now that we’ve defined attraction, let’s dive into how you can use it to your advantage while dating.
1. Wear Red to Make a Lasting Impression
Color plays a bigger role in attraction than you might think. Research shows that wearing red can make you more attractive on a first date. A 2010 study found that heterosexual men were more drawn to women wearing red, perceiving them as more appealing compared to women wearing other colors like blue or green. The study also revealed that men wanted to sit closer and ask more intimate questions when their date wore red.
The effect isn’t just limited to women. Men who wear red or are positioned against a red background are also seen as more attractive by women. This may be because red is associated with primal qualities like vitality and fertility, making it a powerful choice for first impressions.
2. Use Body Language to Build Comfort and Connection
Body language is one of the most important non-verbal cues when it comes to attraction. A 2011 study showed that using non-threatening gestures—such as smaller hand movements, speaking slowly, and leaning slightly back—can help make your date feel more comfortable. Once the other person starts to feel at ease, you can gradually become more animated to keep the conversation engaging.
An open posture signals confidence and enhances attraction, while maintaining good eye contact creates a sense of intimacy. According to Fugère, eye contact and smiling are especially important, as they activate the brain’s reward centers. Smiling and sustained eye contact communicate interest and can make you seem more approachable and attractive.
Key tips:
- Use an open posture with your arms relaxed, not crossed.
- Lean in slightly during important parts of the conversation.
- Maintain eye contact, but avoid staring too intensely.
3. Leverage Your Scent and Voice
Attraction isn’t just visual—it also involves scent and sound. Research from the University of Wroclaw suggests that both the scent and tone of a person’s voice play a role in heterosexual attraction. A woman’s natural body odor can signal fertility, while a man’s scent may indicate levels of dominance.
Voice pitch is another significant factor. Fugère notes that women tend to find deeper voices more masculine and attractive, as they’re often linked to higher testosterone levels. Meanwhile, men generally prefer women with higher-pitched voices, which they associate with youth and femininity. Matching your voice to your date’s pitch—whether consciously or unconsciously—can foster rapport and increase attraction.
Key tips:
- Speak at a relaxed pace and use a natural tone of voice.
- Subtly mimic your date’s speech patterns to build connection.
- Use your natural scent (avoid overdoing perfumes or colognes) to communicate authenticity.
4. Appeal to the Familiar with Similarity
Research consistently shows that people are attracted to those who are similar to themselves in terms of interests, values, and even appearance. This psychological phenomenon, known as “similarity-attraction,” suggests that the more we perceive someone to be like us, the more we are drawn to them.
Fugère explains that physical attraction is often the first step in forming a connection, but over time, personality traits, shared interests, and reciprocal feelings play a much larger role in deepening attraction. Someone who wasn’t initially on your radar can become more attractive as you discover common ground.
Key tips:
- Focus on shared interests and commonalities during your conversation.
- Be open to getting to know people who may not immediately stand out, as attraction can grow over time.
- Highlight your similar tastes or hobbies to strengthen your connection.
5. Use Positive Gestures Like Smiling and Eye Contact
Never underestimate the power of a smile. Smiling is an easy and effective way to convey warmth and openness. It not only signals that you’re enjoying the interaction but also encourages your date to smile back, creating a positive feedback loop of attraction. Eye contact paired with a genuine smile can make you appear more confident and likable, activating the brain’s pleasure centers.
According to Fugère, making sustained eye contact and smiling are behaviors women tend to engage in naturally when they’re attracted to someone. This behavior encourages deeper feelings of connection and trust.
Key tips:
- Smile frequently, especially when your date says something interesting or funny.
- Hold eye contact during key moments, but allow natural breaks to avoid making it feel forced.
- Use small nods and positive body language to show that you’re engaged and interested.
6. Practice Mindfulness to Strengthen the Connection
Mindfulness—the act of being fully present in the moment—can greatly enhance your attractiveness. Being attentive and engaged in the conversation shows that you’re genuinely interested in the person you’re with, which is appealing to most people.
A 2015 study found that women rated men as more attractive when they actively participated in conversations rather than acting aloof or disinterested. While this specific finding didn’t apply equally to men, it’s clear that paying attention to your date and being in the moment makes a positive impression.
Key tips:
- Focus on the conversation and avoid distractions like checking your phone.
- Ask thoughtful questions that show you’re paying attention.
- Respond genuinely to what your date is saying to create a deeper connection.
7. Be Open to Love at First Sight
Although it might seem like a romantic cliché, love at first sight is a real phenomenon—especially for men. A 2017 study found that men are more likely than women to report experiencing love at first sight, and they tend to experience this feeling with more than one person. While physical attraction may not equate to true love, it can certainly lay the groundwork for something deeper.
This doesn’t mean you should rely on love at first sight, but being open to the possibility allows you to fully enjoy the moment and see where it leads.
Key tips:
- Don’t overthink initial physical attraction—allow it to unfold naturally.
- Embrace the excitement of meeting someone new without putting too much pressure on the outcome.
- Stay open to the idea that real connections can form quickly, but let the relationship develop over time.
Conclusion
The psychology of attraction is an exciting field that can help you understand what makes someone fall for another person. By using these seven tips—from wearing red and practicing positive body language to embracing mindfulness—you can improve your chances of making a strong impression on your next date. Attraction may not always follow strict rules, but understanding the science behind it can give you an advantage in navigating the dating world.
